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September 12th, 2006
02:23 pm
today is the young un's first vaccination...hehe
i am going to put his carrier in my bicycle basket
and walk him down to st clair.
i hope he does not get too scared.
yesterday i wrote something that i was actually proud of.
i am full of mixed emotions, mixed up mixed up
tomas helped me yesterday by talking to me
lord knows why he still does, im a mess
but
it really helped and i am so grateful for that.
why do these insecurities arise every five years, or so?
weightpersonalitylonelinessfearisolationuselessnessugliness bad bad bad.
they are like ex-friends who only hurt me and come back to tease
me every few years.
for instance i just cried inside about an old hurt
one so old that it should be a mummy
but
i seem to have dried up my tear ducts for the time
being because as much as id like to cry
it just doesnt come out.
rot body rot, says mat.
funny. just like talking to my dad on msn messenger.
or rather, Charles.
i see that ddmmyyyy is going on tour etc, and how badly
i want to join them and to see things, i cant really
describe, it breaks my heart
i want to tour
i want to have eyes that feast upon the sights they'll see
but we are just friends now
distant
and i have to do my own travelling and wandering from now on.
new book starting. first poem down.
one million to go.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: sicky
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